So, let me preface this post by saying that I am in no way trying to be insensitive to people suffering from depression and other mental illness. I myself battle depression every day. However, I can not just stand by while some people give mental illness a bad reputation.
I’ve battled with depression in silence for most of my life. The past year and a half has been the hardest, but by the end of it, I was taking control back and owning my mental illness. Taking control back meant admitting the truth and being honest with myself. For a lot of us, that’s not always easy.
I needed someone to hold me accountable.
I was exploring a lot of types of therapy a year ago. Therefore, I was also doing a lot of soul searching. It became painfully obvious to me that I was sometimes using my depression as a crutch. I would do something really shitty to someone or say something really mean, and I expected it to just be okay because “I was going through stuff.” And that is NOT OKAY.
There are a lot of people out there fighting to remove the stigma of mental illness. The lines of dialogue have been opened, and we as a society are finally starting to acknowledge that it is okay to not be okay. But there is still so much that has to be done. Mental health still has barriers it has to fight through. The price tags on seeking treatment still cost way too much than it should. There are still far too many people who do not feel like there’s a safe space to seek out the help they desperately need. There is still work that needs to be done. We cannot afford to take steps backwards while we’re still climbing the toughest part of the mountain.
If we use our depression as an excuse to hurt or tear down the people who love us, we’re no better than the people who refuse to learn and understand what depression really is. It’s possible to hurt without needing to hurt someone else. We all have bad days. No one is expecting you to be perfect, but if you’re not willing to own your actions and look for a better way to work through them, then you’re going to lose a lot of people you care about.
I did.
For a long time, I put my own anger and pain before anything else, and I hurt a lot of people in the process. It’s easy to make excuses and say things like “They weren’t my real friends anyway.” The reality is, I allowed my depression to control my emotions and my actions. I did and said a lot of things I’m not proud of. I can say I’m sorry now and make amends to be better, but that may not be enough for some people. And I get that. The truth is, not everyone is going to understand your journey.
Depression is a powerful evil that shows no mercy and tries to destroy everything in its wake. Don’t let it destroy the relationships in your life that matter most to you. You CAN take control back, and with a little hard work, YOU WILL. I believe in you.
Just remember, it’s okay to not be okay, but don’t let that turn you into an asshole.
