Amanda, Author at Owning My Crazy

Self Care is NOT Selfish

AmandaMay 1, 2019May 1, 2019

cup of coffee on table; mug says Enjoy the little things — Photo by Anita Austvika on Unsplash

Given that today is Day 1 of the May 31-Day Water Challenge, I figured I would take the time to talk about self care and why it is so important for healthy mental health. I remember the first time my therapist looked at me and said, “Amanda, self care is not selfish.” It seemed like such a simple concept at the time, but it stuck out to me because it’s such an easy one to forget.

I don’t know about you, but I spend a lot of my time worrying about what works for everybody else and what I can do to make other people happy. On the surface, that sounds like a pretty good thing, right? I’m empathetic to people’s needs and care about pleasing the people around me. It sounds great, but actually, it sometimes can be more harmful to my mental health than I realize.

I tend to always put people first, but then you have to wonder…what about me? And the same goes for you. Taking care of other people is great, and being in tune with the needs of the people you love is an admirable quality, but it shouldn’t mean that you forget to take care of yourself. You wouldn’t leave your friend or your family member out in the cold if they needed some lovin’, so why would you do it to yourself?

It really isn’t selfish to think about yourself every now and then.

So self care can look like any number of things, and what works for you may not be what works for someone else. Maybe you like to blast show tunes in your bedroom. (Like me!) Maybe you prefer to slash some zombies in a video game. Find your own ways to show yourself some love, and then carve out some time for it every week, if not every day. Self care really is that important to your mental health.

Ways to Help Care for Your Body

Go to the doctor. If you’re sick, you should be getting yourself to the doctor. I’m a firm believer in annual checkups and staying up to date with your medical history. Take care of your body. It’s the only one you’ve got.
Follow a balanced diet. No one is saying that you can’t indulge or continue to eat the way you want to eat, but food can affect your mood, and therefore, your mental health. Include foods in your diet that make you feel good. You’ll thank me later.
Get enough sleep at night. Staying up all night may have seemed like a good idea when you were a kid, but as you get older, you realize how vital sleep is to your mood. Don’t just get enough sleep to function in the mornings. Get enough sleep to actually feel good in the morning. And if you’re having trouble sleeping, talk to your doctor about natural ways to help you fall asleep at night. There’s a reason we spend so much of our lives sleeping. It’s important!
Exercise! Try to do some sort of exercise every day. I struggle with this one too, but it really is so important. There’s nothing that makes me feel worse about myself than when I’m winded after going up 1 flight of stairs. Start slow, and build up to a routine that works for you.
Stay away from using mind-altering substances as way to self medicate. No lectures here. I’m not going to tell you what to do with your body. Just know that alcohol and other substances act as a depressant, and when you already feel down, it can be easier to fall into a downward spiral. A temporary fix may seem like a good idea at first, but it won’t solve the problem. Find real solutions to feel better. Like I said, you only get one body. You owe it to yourself to take care of it.
Make mental health a priority. This one is the most important one, in my honest opinion. The same way you’d go to the doctor if you fell and sprained your wrist, mental health should be just as much of a priority. Invest in therapy, and if that’s not an option for you, talk to a trusted friend, or write it all down for yourself. Feelings can cause physical illness if you don’t let them out in a healthy way.

Sometimes we get so busy, that we forget to make time for ourselves. Don’t neglect yourself. You’re no good to anybody else around you if you don’t make yourself a priority first. It’s like flight instructions on an airplane. In case of an emergency, put on your oxygen mask first before assisting others. Whatever you decide to do with your free time, make sure you take a little bit of that time to take care of you.

In Health Challenge

The “May 31-Day Water Challenge”

AmandaApril 29, 2019April 29, 2019

water pouring on hands — Photo by mrjn Photography on Unsplash

We’ve all heard the same statistics since grammar school. We need water to live. Water makes up about 60% of your body weight. Our bodies are mostly made up of water, and yet, 75% of Americans are chronically dehydrated.

Drinking water is hard. As hard as it is to drink enough water, for some reason, it never seems hard to guzzle down two grande espressos with breakfast and two cups of soda with dinner. But drinking that much water a day? Impossible!

As I get older, it becomes more apparent to me how important it is to take care of my body. Getting enough sleep and not looking like I just walked off the set of The Walking Dead means a lot more to me now than it did 10 years ago. We only get 1 body. We really should take better care of it.

And so, I challenge you to join me, starting May 1st. Some water challenges encourage you to drink nothing but water for 30 days. My goal is just drink as much water as I should actually be drinking every day, while still allowing myself a coffee or iced tea here and there.

The Rules

A general rule of thumb is to drink half your body weight in ounces of water a day. If that seems like too much to start, you can always do 8 glasses of water a day. Therefore, you need to drink 64 ounces of water a day to hit the goal.
Keep track of you water intake, whether on paper or in an app on your phone. I prefer to track my water on the Daily Water Tracker app, but there are plenty of other apps, like Waterlogged or MyFitnessPal.
If you don’t complete your water intake for one day, just keep going! No quitting allowed! If you’re still trying, then you’re not failing.

clear glass of water on table next to glass water bottle — Photo by Clint McKoy on Unsplash

Water is essential to our lives. It can help prevent a whole bunch of physical ailments and illnesses. My goal is to complete the Water Challenge every day for the month of May, all the while, updating all of you on my progress and findings. It’ll be difficult, but I’m determined to succeed. And I’m rooting you all on as well!

In Faith, Therapy

My Relationship with the Man Upstairs

AmandaApril 27, 2019April 27, 2019

Full disclosure: This topic may seem heavy and off-brand for some. That’s fine. If you’re not into it, skip on to the next blog post. No hard feelings over here. We’re all entitled to our own opinions and beliefs. I just figured that if I have all these questions and feelings about God at 28, then maybe some people out there can relate and maybe even understand. This is all about what’s going to help your mental health, right?

person reading a Bible with hands on top of book — Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

I was a good, Catholic-school girl my whole life. I went to Catholic school from kindergarten to senior year in high school, and I went to church every Sunday. I got A’s on (almost) all my Religion tests, and I received my Communion and Confirmation with pride. At 8-years-old, I could recite The Beatitudes by heart. I acted in the Passion play every Easter, I was there for the lighting of every Advent candle, and it was a no-brainer that one day, I’d get married in the church where I grew up.

Faith always came easy to me. But somewhere along the way, maybe after I turned 20 or so, I started to question things. There were so many rules and demands that I was taught to blindly follow all my life. However, things were different now. I was different. My faith wasn’t exactly inclusive to ALL the people that mattered to me, and I wasn’t okay with that. I still believed in God. I just learned to question Him a little bit more.

The Shift

At the risk of sounding like I’m complaining, I went through some pretty rough times throughout the course of my life, and I found myself giving God the cold shoulder a little bit. Maybe I’d stop praying every night for a week or two until He and I had reconciled and moved on. Despite how hard things would get, I kept on believing because I’d learned all my life that God had a plan for me and everything was happening for a reason.

In 2016, that all started to change. That blind faith disappeared. My view of the world had changed dramatically, and I had to work harder to believe.

I started a relationship with a man I’d loved since we were 17. He made me happy, and I was relieved with the way my fate seemed to be changing. Every bad relationship before that finally made sense, because it led me to him and the future we’d have together.

2016 also brought me my nephew, who is also my Godson. My faith in God felt stronger than ever as I held that sweet baby boy over the Baptismal pool and promised to always protect him and watch over him as his Godmother. Jayden brought me a lot of hope at a time when I didn’t have any left. My faith remained strong whenever I thought of him.

But in May of 2016, I lost one of the most important people that had ever been a part of my life. It was extremely hard at first, but I felt like with time, it only got harder. Time couldn’t seem to heal the wound. It had become easy to forget to tell someone how much you love them before it’s too late. And that made me so angry.

My anger was mostly towards myself, but I couldn’t help feeling like I was so angry with God even more. It seemed like for every really good thing He presented to my life, He took away something just as important. Maybe that seems naïve, but I was spiraling, and I needed somebody to blame for my pain and anger.

Since her passing, I go to visit Mary a few times a year. Every time I’m there, I talk to her and cry like I did the day we buried her. My tears aren’t the only trend on these visits. Every time I talk to Mary, and she doesn’t talk back, I get a little angrier with God. A couple of years have passed, and it’s hard to say if it’s gotten any easier. There’s still this hole in my heart that can’t ever be filled, but I don’t feel as alone as I once did because now she comes to visit me in my dreams.

white and blue dream catcher in the wind — Photo by Dyaa Eldin on Unsplash

If I’m being honest, I don’t talk to God as much anymore. I guess I’m still angry. I can’t help feeling like I did everything right. I followed all the rules. I was a good Christian girl who prayed and went to church, and yet I still feel like my life isn’t anything like I thought it would be.

I had big dreams when I was a little girl, and life has kind of kicked me in the gut when it comes to those dreams. Some days are still hard, but I refuse to give up, mostly because Mary wouldn’t have wanted me to. But God and I… We’re still on rocky terms.

I guess I just can’t understand the purpose or the meaning behind all the pain in the world and in certain people’s lives. There can be no good without bad, but still… Maybe I’ll understand someday. Maybe I’ll never know why things happened the way they did, or why I had to lose so many people that I loved. I have the word “Believe” tattooed on my body, so I’m still trying to find a way to have faith. If nothing else, I can try to have faith in myself.

*I’m sorry if you hated this post or if you feel like it doesn’t fit with the brand of this blog. I guess it was more therapeutic to me than anything else. And sometimes, the only therapy you need is to get things out, even if you’re talking to yourself.

In Anxiety, DBT, Therapy

Just Breathe

AmandaApril 26, 2019April 26, 2019

It’s the one thing we all do every day. When a baby is first born, you listen for a cry to signify that first breath. It’s how we know we’re alive. We don’t even think about it half the time, but breathing is so important to our survival. At rest, we breathe 12-20 times per minute. That equates to roughly between 17,000 and 30,000 breaths a day! And like in the 2005 hit, Anna Nalick said it best… When all else fails, “Just Breathe.”

Under duress, it’s easy to forget to breathe. During a panic or asthma attack, you try to work your way through it in order to catch your breath. The expression “remind yourself to breathe” is a cliché because it’s true. Sometimes, we need to work on the one thing that we’re born knowing how to do.

During my years in therapy, I’ve learned a lot of methods to help cope with my anxiety. The method that always stuck out to me the most was the one that seemed so simple, you don’t even think about it being a way to help deal with a scary or overwhelming situation.

Breathing and observing your breath.

green plants with a bright pink neon sign in it that reads "and breathe" — Photo by Robin Benzrihem on Unsplash

If you’re able to focus solely on your breath during a particularly stressful situation, it can help you to have more control over your emotions and the situation. There are many different ways to observe your breath, but the bottom line remains the same. If you’re focused on your breathing, you can actually calm down your emotions because you are taking control over your mind and your thoughts. Here’s a few of my favorite breathing techniques that I’ve found to work wonders when I just need to regroup and regain my composure:

Deep Breathing

Start by lying on your back, whether it’s on the floor or on a bed or couch. Breathe evenly and gently. Focus all of your attention on the breath and how your stomach rises and falls with each inhale and exhale. Do this for at least 10 breaths.

Counting Your Breath

I like to do this one while I’m walking outside with no distractions, but if it’s easier for you, try it sitting cross-legged on the floor. As you breathe in, tell yourself “I am inhaling, 1.” Do the same when you breathe out – “I am exhaling, 1.” Do this until you get all the way to 10. Try to focus only on the breathing and the words you’re telling yourself.
Another way to try this is just to close your eyes and count to 10 while you breathe in and out slowly. Drown out any outside noises. Focus solely on the breaths and the numbers.

Paced Breathing / Square Breathing

This one is fairly simple. You close your eyes and focus on breathing in for a count of 4-6 seconds (whatever is easiest for you). You hold the breath for the same 4-6 seconds, and then you release the breath for 4-6 seconds. The goal is to follow a rhythm.
Similarly, with Square Breathing, you do the same thing but you picture yourself drawing an invisible square while breathing. This helps to focus the mind on your breathing and not outside distractions around you.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation

In my opinion, this can be the hardest breathing exercise to master. You start by sitting or lying down in a comfortable position. Close your eyes and relax your body. Starting with you toes, you work your way up your body, tensing each muscle for 5 seconds and then relaxing that muscle for 10 seconds before moving on to the next muscle. By the end of the exercise, you should be tensing and relaxing your facial muscles. Be sure that you are taking full, deep breaths while doing this. This exercise can take several minutes to complete, but if done correctly, it is highly effective. Tensing and relaxing your muscles actually sends signals to your brain that it is time to calm down!

It’s important to note that some of these breathing exercises can be hard to do when you’re dealing with strong emotions. So start slow. Find what works for you, and keep it in your back pocket. You don’t have to follow some instruction manual when it comes to breathing. Remember, you got this. You’ve been doing it since the day you were born.

In Anxiety, Own The Crazy

What Anxiety Feels Like

AmandaApril 19, 2019May 1, 2019

It would be a safe bet to say that everyone has experienced some form of anxiety in their lifetime. We can feel anxious about a test, a first date, or even the day to day decisions we make regarding our job or social life. Just because we’ve all experienced anxiety doesn’t mean that anxiety is the same for all of us. Anxiety feels different for everyone. Having feelings of anxiety is not the same as suffering from an anxiety disorder. And as an individual that suffers from Generalized Anxiety Disorder, I can say on good authority that sometimes anxiety can be easy to explain, but most days, anxiety is more complex than words can even describe.

Anxiety is much more than “just worrying.” I’ve battled with my anxiety for my whole life, but for a long time, I didn’t recognize it as anxiety. It presented as other things — physical symptoms or my mind racing a million miles a minute. It was being bored, but not wanting to do anything; being tired, but not being able to sleep. When I’m having a particularly anxious day, I feel like I’m forgetting something important…ALL DAY LONG.

It wasn’t until I did some serious soul searching that I finally started to understand my anxiety for what it really was. Anxiety is a shape shifter. It can take on many forms on the outside, but at its core, it’s always the same.

Fear.

When we’re anxious, we’re actually afraid. Anxiety is fear of anything and everything all at once. I can’t speak for anybody else out there that also suffers from GAD. I can only share my thoughts and experience. If nothing else, maybe this can help you explain to someone else in your life how you’ve been feeling.

Anxiety is so much more than just the physical symptoms, but the list of ways your body can tell you it’s feeling anxious is long and kind of exhausting. For years, I never even realized that these were ways my body was trying to communicate with me. My body was all like, “Hey lady, we’re freaking out right now!” And I was just like, “Why the hell am I feeling like this?!” Some of this may seem familiar, or you may experience something completely different. Either way, we can all learn more from each other about anxiety by talking about it.

Physical Symptoms of Anxiety:

Headaches
Stomach pains
Heart palpitations
Shortness of breath
Hot flashes or chills
Hyperventilating
Uncontrollable crying or emotions
Inability to sleep
Feeling panicky, scared or irritable
Nausea
Skin rashes
Feeling shaky or restless
Fatigue
Muscle Aches
Dry mouth
Inability to concentrate
Feeling detached or stressed out

More than all the physical symptoms, there are a whole bunch of ways that anxiety plays tricks on your mind. Self-doubt can be pretty undeniable, especially when you suffer from GAD. A friend doesn’t answer a text right away? Anxiety says they must hate you now. Not feeling well for a few days? Anxiety tells you that you must be dying. Any worst-case scenario is not off limits.

I like to think of my anxiety as a little monster that lives inside my head. Sometimes, she comes out and wreaks havoc, but most of the time, she just tortures me from the inside. It’s like the anxiety is the puppet master, and I’m attached by the strings. She tells me what to do, how to act, and what to think. It can feel like I’ve lost all control.

Giving up control is probably the hardest part for me. I need to be in control, most likely because there is so much about my life that I have no control over. For me, I tend to bite my lips. I pick at my cuticles. And over the last year or so, I’ve developed the bad habit of pulling out my hair. Because of anxiety, my sleep has suffered. My eating patterns are all over the place. I lost a lot of people that I thought were my friends. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And it’s okay to not be okay.

Sometimes, it feels like you’ve been holding your breath under water for so long, that it might be easier to just swim down. Anxiety can make you feel like you’ve forgotten how to breathe. I wish I could offer a “cure-all” for it. Trust me, if there was one, I would be all over that. The only real way to get past anxiety is to work through it. Learn the ways your body is communicating with you. In a future post, I’ll offer some ways to better handle anxiety, but for now… Just know that you’re not alone.